How easily it arises. We profess that we will not judge. We intellectualize how important it is not to judge and point fingers outward if someone else does. Any time spent with A Course in Miracles students will prove this.
Judgment is the weapon that the ego uses to keep us separate. There is a difference between judgment and discernment. Judgment is down with superiority and inferiority. Discernment comes with siding with Inner Wisdom.
I certainly have had my share of judgment in my life, both those whom I have judged and those who have judged me. It is part of the crazy world that we have built here.
Yesterday I had an entanglement with some Facebook postings. It started with an observation someone made about the ACIM community and how it was believed that it is no different than any other community. Sharks can swim anywhere as the ego is not immune to ACIM students.
I posted my reply. It was certainly something that I have said and believed before. Then the zingers came from someone in particular. I briefly mentioned that I had alluded to the idea previously, including during this past Sunday Service talk I presented. Zing 1. Zing 2. I was quite surprised as this was someone that I knew several years back and thought we had an understanding. We had even done some online work together.
I was said to be proselytizing, an egotistical self-made priest, who has built their little Kingdom on earth to defend. This surprised me, yes. It felt like bullying. I was confused by the statements and then the sting of hurt came in. I knew on one level that this was someone just expressing their thoughts and feelings of where they were in the moment. On another level it felt like an attack. On another level it was true.
The feelings ebbed and flowed. The surprise, the confusion, anger, hurt, loneliness, a sense of wanting to isolate and never deal with Facebook ever again. I did make the decision to not engage in further discussion as I knew that it would only contribute to my feelings of unpeace. This is something that I have learned from dealing with abusive people in my past history.
Although my mind continued the argument further. This person obviously does not remember me or they did not really know the real me or my philosophy of our ministry. I have strived hard to make our ministry one of equality and I have never been one to set myself up as a guru. I have always encouraged others to their highest good. In fact at times that idea makes me quite uncomfortable. I simply am the messenger of the Holy Spirit. I have said many times that our unspoken philosophy is: our business is to put ourselves out of business. Meaning, that if we encourage and guide everyone to their Inner Teacher then there would be no need for us as teachers.
In this eye of equality and what I hold dear, this seeming attack shook my foundation. It wanted to defend and attack. Even within my mind my own judgment and defense came into play. It argued that if anyone sets up a study group, organization, website group, Facebook or Google page and sets oneself as the leader or moderator, are they not setting up their own little Kingdom all the same? Does the form really matter here? Do they not defend their castle too from destruction? Do we not defend our own small identities?
I was defending my ego identity and my “castle” of MiraclesOne. If it was held dear to me in any way then I had an attachment to it. If I have an attachment then it is an idol and a substitute for God. Interesting. Additionally, I realized that none of it needed defense. One person’s opinion does not need to rock the foundation. It is my opinion that if it wavers shakes the foundation. Do I believe what is said or do I believe in my guidance?
The fact is Holy Spirit sees all of it as nothing. It doesn’t matter.
My own judgment of myself and my brother was the missile of destruction. Not what someone else said but what I chose to believe about myself. In this world I will never get 100% agreement with everything I say and do. It just will not occur. I cannot keep varying my guidance and what I do based on what other people believe about me or need from me. I have to be true to me and the Guidance I receive from the Holy Spirit. That is what I have devoted my life to.
This has nothing to do with what someone else posted. This has everything to do with what I believe about myself. And, what I believe about my brother. My brother is me. If I see him as separate and as attacking, I am seeing myself the very same way. If I point out my brothers flaws then I am pointing out my own. It is my responsibility as it always has been.
In these moments, only forgiveness will bring a cease fire.