We are afraid of love. We do everything in our power to keep ourselves away from love. Yet no matter how many times I do that myself, underneath it all is the memory of God. Love is there. It cannot be cast aside but it can be covered up.
It is insane that quickly I can say “I hate” rather than “I love”. The more I focus on the hatred and fear the more love is covered up. This happens oh so innocently. “Oh, I hate when ____ happens,” or “I can’t stand so and so.”
I have to look at my illusions, let them rise to the surface. This hidden hatred is what keeps love from my consciousness. I believe I am crucified when instead I am redeemed. And, I was never crucified in the first place. My attraction to punishment for desiring specialness has been the driving force.
Beneath it all love awaits to save me. The answer? Holy Spirit’s vision is merciful and His remedy is quick. As it says: Do not hide suffering from His sight, but bring it gladly to Him. Lay before His eternal sanity all your hurt, and let Him heal you. Do not leave any spot of pain hidden from His light, and search your mind carefully for any thoughts you may fear to uncover. For He will heal every little thought you have kept to hurt you and cleanse it of its littleness, restoring it to the magnitude of God.
It is worth the time to take to offer my illusions to Him. I am worthy of doing so. I am loved.
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