I dealt with this idea of “mistakes” myself over our retreat weekend not too long ago. The first evening of the retreat I had a migraine brewing. I did not feel myself at all as I co-led with my husband, Rev. Paul and our guest, Scott Grace. When I am teaching or joining with others, I want to be my best. I want to be happy and jovial and bring light to the teaching. I did not feel that way and I felt my leadership fell flat. Of course this is my own judgment because everyone at the end of the weekend believed the retreat to be so enriching.
As the weekend continued, I still wasn’t where I would like to be. I spoke to the Holy Spirit about this in meditation. I can’t recall at what point I received this message from the Holy Spirit but it was in the middle of the night as I heard this simple phrase “Grace with Mistakes.” To me this meant. I am blessed always and in all ways. Mistakes do not change who I am. The correction is the miracle, the shift in perception.
I was to find I needed this message after the retreat ended. Someone in my personal circle confided honest feelings of pain based on a decision I made 12 years ago. I did not realize to the extent this person had been feeling this horrible pain for all of these years. As I sat and listened to this person intently and without defense, the emotions were raw. I knew I had been mistaken and I felt my chest cave in with the pain inflicted and the tears flowed. The sharing was honest, yet respectful and one of owning one’s own pain. The ego’s blame game was absent in all respects. This mistaken decision I know cannot be changed, but the apologies can occur and an important aspect of the relationship can be restored.
I made a mistake. Thankfully, this person was extending love as they honored themselves in the sharing. I honored them by allowing the sharing with no defense. I accepted what was shared. Yes, later some thoughts came to mind the ego wanted to use as a weapon against myself to further cause me pain, however, I remembered what I heard at the retreat, “Grace with mistakes.” I can take this information and allow the Holy Spirit to look on it with me so I may see the truth about me. In truth, nothing can darken my light. Here in the world, I can rectify what occurred by being present, honoring and respectful to this person and truly understand where they are in their life.
I can choose to not judge myself, berate, or inflict more guilt on my mind as that only leads to depression and more separation. What Jesus wants is for us to unite. By gentle listening, I can accept what is said, I can acknowledge the mistake, and I can release myself from the burden of shame and pain. It is not easy, but I am not to do this by myself. I have the grace of God and His blessing. I am as He created. I can love myself through anything that comes my way. I can remember I am only Love.
I am grateful for that weekend and the aftermath. I am thankful for the lesson of grace. We never know how events in our lives will unfold but we can accept the gift in each moment.